Kubey to enroll in Mandhu College

Member of Parliament and former drummer Mohamed Rasheed (Kubey) is to enroll in Mandhu College for the academic year 2013.

Kubey is enrolling in Mandhu College because the college has promised to give an iPad to each student who enrolls.

"We are giving a free iPad to each student who enrolls. No matter how many students enroll, whether it is 400 or 500, we will give away the free iPads," Ibrahim Ismail (Mandhu Ibra), the President of Mandhu College told Haveeru.

Kubey was a famous boduberu drummer before he left his illustrious music career in 2009 to join parliament. He was elected on a Maldivian Democratic Party ticket.

Kubey said he needs a new iPad because the last one he bought is now full with videos and photos of parliament sessions. Kubey buys a new iPad every six months.

Kubey will study Parliamentary Studies at Mandhu College.

Monalals and Evening Cafe safe: Waheed assures India

Monalals and Evening Cafe are safe, Maldives President Waheed Hassan reassured India today. Speaking to PTI, Waheed said all major Indian investments in Maldives are safe. Following the government of Maldives decision to annul the agreement with infrastructure giant GMR for developing the international airport of Maldives, Waheed said Maldives will continue to safeguard Indian investments and citizens in Maldives.

"Monalals and Evening Cafe are safe. Monalals, a great Indian trade establishment, has been operating in Maldives since the 80s. It is close to my official residence and I will personally check if it is safe," President Waheed said.

"My wife Ilham bought her first sewing machine from Monalals. She even took it to the US when we left Maldives due to the political pressures of the time in 90s," Waheed said.

"Evening Cafe is a few blocks down the road from my residence. Although I no longer go there to have a tandoori chicken with farata, I will guarantee its safety. Indian investors need not worry," Waheed said.

Satan denies influencing Fahmy

In an exclusive interview with this blog, Satan has denied influencing former Civil Service Commission's Chairperson Mohamed Fahmy Hassan.

"Fahmy is so predictable there was no need for me to be there," Satan said.

Satan said MP Ibrahim Muthalib is giving undue credit for Satan. "I have no time to influence the decisions of other Maldivians because all my attention is on the Majlis members right now," Satan said.

All in all it's just another hole in the wall

Kasimbe fishermen from Huraa anchored his dhoni near mas Maarkeytu and tonight he took his usual walk near Islaamee Markaz towards Sultan Park. He was amazed to see a hole in the wall of Maldives Defence building. He thought baaghees returned. Today in Maldives society baaghee is subjective thing based on what colour you are. Kasimbe saw many people standing near the hole to take photos with the hole. This brought nice memories when Kasimbe was just 11 years. He came to Male with his father also a fisherman and stood near a cyprus tree in Sultan Park to take photo. At that days there was no digital camera or USB sticks. So Kasimbe had to get photo only after one week later. They went to Hura and came back one week later to get photo developed in dark room in Male. The cyprus tree was taller than the 11 year old Kasimbe but it was a good photo. There were always photographers with cameras in Sultan Park asking people to be photographed near one tree or another tree. Those days everyone worked to enjoy decent life with income that provided black tea and nice hedhika everyday. Now everyone wants to be parliament member so they can get good income without hard work. Now the times have changed and there is a big hole in the wall of NSS building. This used to be the favourite place for expatriates on Fridays and Saturdays but now Maldivians have returned to this corner to take photos with the celebrity hole. Maldivians have chased away expatriates from the Jumhooree Binaa area because this is the era of nationalism and xenophobia. Sheikh Imran has popularized this era by standing up for our beloved airport, a 100 meters of gravel on which the sweat of our forefathers were poured. Now the Maldivians want their airport back. This was the airport on which legendary Ali Rasgefaanu battled Portuguese when they arrived in their F-16 jets in the 14th century. This was the airport on which Boduthakurufaanu landed on his famous fighter jet Kalhuoiyfummi and chased away the Portuguese. This was also the airport on which the Indian paratroopers landed on November 3rd to help Maldivians against the PLOTE. But something strange happened. The Indians never left the airport. They stayed there and formed a company. All paratroopers became businessmen and their company was called GMR. Now Maldivians want this airport back and Sheikh Imran is our new hero. To commemorate November 3rd this year our army organised a big orchestra party at Jumhooree Maidhan. This Maidhan is not related to Gasim Ibrahim's Jumhooree Party. So in the night everybody listened to orchestra music watched fireworks and took photos with the hole. Everyone is happy and tomorrow is another day. Next year is election year. All in all it's just another hole in the wall.

photo courtesy of Kula Yellow (the young kids who are crazy over the stupid former president Anni)

Judge sentences thief to a year in bird cage

A Maldivian judge has sentenced a thief who stole a parrot to a year in a bird cage.

"People who steal birds deserve to be be behind bars and caged," the judge said in passing the sentence.

Department of Penitentiary and Rehabilitation Services is discussing with MDP to hand over the bird cage at Usfasgandu to imprison the man as there are currently no bird cages at Maafushi prison.

Public welcomes Dhiraagu new building

Maldivian public has welcomed Dhiraagu's 18-million dollar new building.

"New York has Empire State Building. Dubai has Burj Khalifa. Kuala Lumpur has Petronas Towers. We have Dhiraagu building. It is our pride," President Waheed Hassan said at the opening ceremony of the new building.

Maldivians are excited about the new building and commenting on Dhiraagu's Facebook page.

Dr Munavvar meets President Nasheed

Dr Mohamed Munavvar, the most greatest politician in Maldives, has met with former president Mohamed Nasheed. The meeting was held at Nasheed's wife's residence M. Yagoothuge. Dr Munavvar said he and Nasheed are two friends. The meeting was held to discuss politics.

Maldivians demand death penalty

After watching Euro2012 football tournament Maldivians are demanding death penalty.

Mario Balotelli is the new President of Maldives

Mario Balotelli is the new president of Maldives. He was voted for the post with 90% http://twitpic.com/a2mspk

via @gaanagaa   https://twitter.com/#!/gaanagaa

President Waheed launches official blog

President Dr Mohamed Waheed Hassan launched his official blog today. US-based PR company Ruder Finn advised the President to have an official blog.

"President Amin Didi used government newspaper Sarukaaruge Khabaru to convey important messages to the people. President Nasir hardly kept contact with the masses. President Gayoom used weekly newsletter Dheenuge Magu and periodic radio addresses to keep in touch with the citizens. President Nasheed gave weekly radio addresses. But this is the first time a sitting president in Maldives uses a blog to inform the people about the day-to-day work of the president," said the President's Spokesperson Abbas Adil Riza.

The official blog Waheed Interrupted is on the blogging platform Tumblr.

Angry fish cuts Dhiraagu submarine cable

The family of a wahoo caught in Wataniya MasRace has cut the submarine cable of Dhiraagu in a retaliation attempt, disrupting internet services all over Maldives, Dhiraagu said today.

"This is a case of mistaken identity. This is the same as the youth gangs who stab people in Male. In most cases the wrong person is killed," Dhiraagu Marketing Manager Mirushaan said.

"When Wataniya first started having the fishing competition we realized it was a bad idea. Predators in the ocean can't differentiate between a Wataniya cable and a Dhiraagu cable," he explained.

Wataniya Maldives was unavailable for comment.

Dhiraagu said it has sent two skilled fishermen from Dhidhoo to dive and fix the cable.

"We have sent two fishermen from Dhidhoo in a bokkura to fix the cable. They will reach the damaged area in a month's time. If everything goes according to our plans we will be able to fix this by the end of July," Mirushan said.

"The two fishermen are experienced in skin diving for bait fish. They are excellent skin divers. They will dive and put cello-tape on the damaged part of the cable. If any sharks eat them before they are able to complete this task then we will have to send another group. In that case internet problems will be fixed by the end of August," Mirushan said.

The damaged point has been identified as 40 meters deep and 26 miles away from Sri Lanka.

Rannamaari owns Raalhugandu

A new actor has jumped into the land dispute surrounding Raalhugandu area of Male. A spokesperson for the notorious sea demon Rannamaari has said the demon owns the Raalhugandu area. In the first message to the public since the demon disappeared into the sea several centuries ago, Rannamaari said its ownership of Raalhugandu area goes back to centuries.

"This used to be my playground. Only temples with alters of sacrifice were here. Voice of Maldives antennae? They were built in the 1970s. MNDF halipad? Are you kidding me? When were helicopters invented? MDP? Who would have even bothered about a political party in my days of glory? All the kings feared me. Male City Council? You must be kidding! It was elected only last year," Rannamaari said in a message relayed through the demon's spokesperson. "What more proof do you need? All Maldivian history books have the irrefutable proof that I lived and roamed in this area till the 12th century."

Rannamaari heavily criticized Male City Council for mishandling the land dispute. "This is what happens when people elect actors and bodybuilders for Male City Council. Back in my glory days the leading men in Male had more toned muscles in their bodies than Afrah, without lifting a single weight. I can guarantee that Afrah will start crying "Mommy, Mommy" when he sees me. Maizan Alibe knows how to wear cowboy hats but he doesn't know how to run a city council. Chandhanee Shuja is so corrupt even Abul Barakat can't reform him."

Rannamaari's spokesperson said the feared sea demon will make a comeback soon. "If Nasheed can make comebacks, if Nasheed can fall and rise several times, so can the Rannamaari. The sights and sounds of so many young girls and women at Raalhugandu has caused my boss the Rannamaari to make a firm decision to make a comeback."

The only thing preventing Rannamaari from returning to its favourite haunts is the uncertainty of the availability of virgin girls. But the demon's hopes increased after the huge demonstration held on December 23.

Rannamaari also warned MNDF and police not to meddle with politics in Maldives. "Your fast Coast Guard vessels will be no match for my supremacy of the sea," Rannamaari warned through its spokesperson.

There is speculation that Rannamaari's spokesperson is Mohamed Zuhair (Juha), who was the spokesperson for ex-president Mohamed Nasheed. Juha has never been seen in public since Nasheed's resignation.

Arsene Wenger holds key to Arsenal

Arsene Wenger holds the key to Arsenal.

Dangerous Shahum marries

Dangerous Shahum who is name is printed in Genius Book of World Records in same page as Al Capone and Don Corleone has married. Dangerous Shahum was brought with police custody to marry. Haveeru and Sun said.

Dangerous Shahum is only 20 years but he is suspected for killing two people. At this rate he will break records of serial killers Hannibal Lector and Bonnie and Clyde. But dangerous Shahum has so far not convicted for killing. He is convicted so far for only hitting a person inside a cafe.

Whole Maldives is asking which girl agreed to marry Dangerous Shahum. Some people comment on Sun that love is blind.

"Some Maldivian women has a soft spot for bad men. They like to be abused by dominant males such as Dangerous Shahum," said Maldivian anthropology student Blue who blogs about BDSM.

Maldivian men also like bad men. That could be why people tolerated Gayoom for 30 years. That is why there is so much support for Nasheed who has showed his bad character. Nasheed is now showing his "nulafaa kan". In the end it is not just Maldivian women who adores bad people. Maldivian men too.

"All Maldivians are submissive by nature. They like to be blindfolded, tied and slapped by their politicians," admitted Blue.

But if Nasheed can't stop Reeko Moosa then Reeko Moosa must be an alpha-male. Only Dangerous Shahum and Reeko Moosa are the two alpha-males in Maldives.