Reeko Moosa increase salary to get new car

Reeko Moosa increase parliament member salary to get new car because his old car impure from alcohol case discovered by police.

"Old car impure and polluted. Brand new car purchase with new salary. It is like going to Hajj to wash sins." Reeko Moosa MDP Parliamentary Group Leader told at Majlis debate.

Sheikh Shaheem and Adhaalath Party welcomed salary increase.

"Old cars of parliamentarians impure with alcohol, sex and bribe. New cars symbol of 100% Islamic state we proud." Adhaalath party said in statement.

So Wrong A Damn Maniac opens campaign jagaha

So Wrong A Damn Maniac (SRGADMMANC) launched campaign jagaha (booth) in Machan-goalhi. SRGADMMANC millionaire after leasing Machchafushi resort. Recently SRGADMMANC speak on justice in Buraasfathivaru. SRGADMMANC knows very well about justice because he was lawyer in previous life. He was lawyer for Italian investor who invest in Machchafushi Resort. Later all documents show SRGADMMANC gets resort ownership. So Italian investor go back home crying. This is sweet justice of Maldives for foreign investor. SRGADMMANC knows very well about justice so he speak about justice on top of cafe Buraasfathivaru. His campaign Veshi Fahi Male now open in jagaha.

Christiano Ronaldo come to Maldives to find his relatives

Christiano Ronaldo famous football player playing in Real Madrid Spanish club come to Maldives to find his relatives. Maldives ruled by Portuguese for 15 years before. Ali Manik living in Raa Atoll said he hope he related to Ronaldo because he might get some dollars from millionaire football star. Ali Manik who support Adhaalath Party said Nasheed government worse than Andhiri Andhirin because Nasheed government trying to erase Islam Dheen from Maldives. Manik want to come to Male and join protest to save Arabiyya School. Arabiyya School very holy school funded by Saudi but Nasheed now want to close school and put Sula Shiraz into throats of every Maldivian. Sheikh Shaheem resign frustrated. Christiano Ronaldo said at airport he loves Maldives. He said this is his first time in Maldives to Mariyam Waheeda from Heyyanbo programme MNBC One. Ronaldo said if Mohamed Thakurufaanu did not save Maldives many Maldivians will be playing football in European clubs and Maldives qualify for World Cup. Ali Manik said if Mohamed Thakurufaanu did not save Maldives all Maldivians will now be faranjee and drink alcohol. There will be no Arabiyya School also. Manik think new Mohamed Thakurufaanu needed to save Arabiyya School and Islam Dheen in Maldives. He thinks new hero is Sheikh Shaheem.


Save Arabiyya protest photo by Ahmed Zahid

President Nasheed wins Mr MNDF contest

President Nasheed won Mr MNDF contest organized by Mohamed Nasheed Defense Force (MNDF). Mr Nasheed is also commander-in-chief of MNDF. Mr Nasheed recently won Hustler magazine's Person of the Year award.

An eye for an eye

"We will take an eye from an Israeli for each eye the visiting medical team plucks out of a Maldivian. After all, an eye for an eye is prescribed in Islamic Shariah," the President of Islamic Foundation of Maldives said in a statement today.

Special Enjoy's message on anti-corruption Day

Special enjoy to President Ibrahim Hussain Zaki called all Maldivians to fight against corruption. It is big illness and cure is very difficult. special enjoy said. Corrupt people are there in all governments he said.

ZakiLeaks Part2: An Enjoy for All Presidents

President's Special Enjoy Ibrahim Hussain Zaki is an enjoy for all presidents. When Gayoom was president Zaki tourism minister and then planning minister. Zaki asked tourism industry big businessmen to finance biography for Gayoom. So biography writer was brought. His name Royston Ellis. A biography written on Gayoom named A Man for All Islands. In huvadhoo dialect this means Hutuhai Rataka Huttu Beyya. Zaki always praise Gayoom and ask Champa Afeef to give money to Ellis for biography writing. Then come reform movement to topple Gayoom. Soon Zaki become very important figure in reform. He become Vice President of MDP. Later he become Special Enjoy. Now he always praise Nasheed and Nasheed let Zaki be corrupt. Soon Zaki will ask Ellis to write biography for Nasheed and ask Champa Afeef to finance biography. This biography name is A Brother for All Flats (Hutuhai Flatakah Huttu Dhon Beyya)

ZakiLeaks Part 1: Smuggling for Athama

Special Enjoy of President Ibrahim Hussain Zaki married to lady from Athama family. She is sister of ex-Police Commissioner Adam Zahir's wife. When Zaki was minister and Adam Zahir police commissioner they both go to airport when Hajj pilgrim's luggage arrives. Athama Hajj Group give identical suitcases to pilgrims. Athama group bring more luggage in addition to pilgrims luggage. Inside this luggage there are many items for Athama shops. All this items imported into Maldives without paying any customs duty. Nobody at airport no Customs staff no security staff has guts to ask what's inside luggage. Because Adam Zahir very powerful man. Zaki always go with Adam Zahir to airport to smuggle Athama goods in Hajj boxes. End of Part 1 of ZakiLeaks.

Man sentenced for possession of porn film featuring Cabinet Minister

By Ahmed Nazeer, Minivan News

The Criminal Court yesterday sentenced a man to six months imprisonment after the court found him guilty of possession of pornography featuring a Cabinet Minister.

The Criminal Court identified the person as Ali Jinah of Gulhi in Kaafu Atoll.

The Court said the police officers who went to search Jinah’s house on last year October discovered eight magazines containing pornographic pictures, one file containing large number of pornographic pictures and one CD containing a porn film featuring a Cabinet Minister of Maldives.

Jinah was sentenced for possessing contraband.

The Court said Jinah denied the charges, claiming that the police did not find the materials inside his room and that he had never showed such materials to anyone.

The Criminal Court said that according to the word of the police officers who went to the scene, “it is known that the materials were found inside Jinah’s room.”

"We take such matters very seriously. Any attempt to ruin the reputation of a Cabinet Minister by possessing porn films featuring a Minister will be dealt with prompt arrest and prosecution," Cabinet Secretary Captain Abdulla Saeed told Minivan News.

Government to pioneer porn industry in Maldives

The government of Maldives signed an agreement today with Vivid Entertainment of America to develop a porn industry in the Maldives.

"The Cabinet has decided to develop a porn industry in Maldives to increase job opportunities for school-leavers and boost the Maldivian economy," Cabinet Secretary Captain Abdulla Saeed told reporters.

The porn industry will be developed under the Public Private Partnership Programme (PPP). State-of-the-art production facilities will be developed in Aarah, the venue for the recently held Hay Festival.

"The President rarely uses Aarah as a retreat now and the government has decided to allocate the island to develop the porn industry," Saeed said.

By forming a partnership with Vivid Entertainment, a market leader in the adult entertainment, the government hopes to gain a return on investment within a short period of time.

The President has formed a four-member committee to oversee the development of a porn industry in Maldives. The committee consist of one member from the Cabinet, one representative of Invest Maldives, one representative of Ministry of Finance and one representative of Ministry of Islamic Affairs. The newly appointed Minister of Transport, Communication and Civil Aviation Mr Adil Saleem will chair the committee.

The porn industry earns billions of dollars worldwide each year.

Press Secretary Zuhair's niece to be appointed Tourism Minister

Local media today reported President's Press Secretary Mohamed Zuhair's niece is to be appointed as Tourism Minister of Maldives.

"Zuhair's family is experienced in tourism. His brother-in-law Sim Ibrahim Mohamed has been managing Maldives Association of Tourism Industry for more than a decade. Zuhair's sister Dr Mariyam Zulfa was once the editor of the travel publication Explore Maldives," said Cabinet Secretary Kosheege Abdulla Saeed who is also known as Captain Abdulla Saeed.

To overcome the challenges the tourism industry is experiencing in the wake of the fake wedding at Vilu Reef Resort, the President has decided to appoint a competent Tourism Minister. Zuhair's niece will be the youngest member of the Cabinet.

Corruption Index ranks Maldives below Zimbabwe

By JJ Robinson and Peter Parker, Minivan News

The Maldives has been ranked 143 in Transparency International’s 2010 Corruption Perception Index, equal with Pakistan and below Zimbabwe.

The ranking represents a fall of 15 places since the 2009 Index, which itself fell 15 places from the 2008 Index.

The Maldives is now ranked well below regional neighbours, including India (87), Sri Lanka (91) and Bangladesh (134). Denmark, New Zealand and Singapore ranked first, while Somalia ranked last at 178, below Burma and Afghanistan.

Speaking to Minivan News, the Maldives Foreign Minister Dr Ahmed Shaheed said the drop in the index is due to the corruption of politicians associated with the previous regime.

"The decline reflects the corruption of politicians associated with the previous regime such as Ibrahim Hussain Zaki. The world is only now learning about the extent of corruption practiced by Zaki under the former regime. Such exposure is inevitable as a society becomes liberal," explained Dr Shaheed.

Ibrahim Hussain Zaki was tourism minister and later planning minister under former president Gayoom. Zaki allegedly accepted bribes worth millions of dollars, favouring certain resort owners in awarding new islands for tourism development during his term as tourism minister. President Gayoom was forced to remove Zaki from Cabinet in November 2003 after serious allegations of corruption.

Responding to the claims that the drop in corruption perception index was due to the practices of former regime, Mohamed Hussain Shareef, the Spokesperson for former President Gayoom, said the current government was more corrupt than the former government.

"The donor community has lost trust in the new government. Foreign Minister Dr Ahmed Shaheed has appointed his close associates to diplomatic missions overseas. He has appointed his girlfriends as High Commissioners and Ambassadors even though they do not have any experience of diplomacy. Unlike President Gayoom who appointed people to high posts based on merit, the current government is a leader in nepotism," said Shareef.

"Gadhdhoo Zahir's daughter was promoted in Foreign Ministry because Dr Shaheed wanted Zahir's vote in parliament to escape a no confidence motion," Shareef added. "I know how Dr Shaheed works because he was my boss at Strategic Communications Department of The President's Office."

The president's press secretary Mohamed Zuhair refused to blame the previous government or the current government for the decline in the corruption perception index.

"Blaming the previous government or the current government for this decline is not important. The current government and the former government is run by the same group of people. Ahmed Abdulla (Adubarey), Red Wave Saleem, Lolly Jabir and Alhan Fahmy are just some examples. This proves perception of corruption changes over time. Yesterday we said those people were corrupt. Today we embrace them as heroes. Life is like that," explained Zuhair.

"Next year Maldives could be above Denmark and New Zealand in the corruption perception index. President Nasheed can work miracles. Look at what he did to Dhiddhoo, Velidhoo and Gulhi Falhu with the help of Boskalis. A man who can hold a cabinet meeting underwater can do anything above water," said Zuhair.

Reeko Moosa opens Niuma at Olympus

MDP parliamentary group leader popular former film star Reeko Moosa Manik opened famous film Niuma at Olympus. Niuma is film starring Niuma and directed by Niuma. At the premiere Niuma said Reeko Moosa is very handsome man and fans in Olympus shrieked and cried.

Reeko Moosa planning to become MDP Chairperson in the next Congress. President Mohamed Nasheed also in favour of Reeko because Reeko is former film star and very popular. President Nasheed advise his cousin Eva Abdulla to start film career if she want to become MDP Chairperson in future. Eva Abdulla will be Eva Longoria of Mollywood.

Reeko Moosa popularity also increasing because his company Heavy Load's vehicles are used for harbour development in many islands.

"Reeko Moosa has charisma, experience in parliamentary politics and he has harbour dredging equipment. The right elements to succeed Mariya as MDP Chairperson," said Kosheege Abdulla Saeed.

Mr Saeed was the first Secretary General of MDP.

President Nasheed to lead Gay Pride March in Maldives

President Mohamed Nasheed is to lead the first ever Gay Pride March in the Maldives on October 10. The march is named Dhivehi Gay Pride March and will be held on Majeedhee Magu in Male at 8.00 pm on October 10.

"President Nasheed is not gay. But he is happy. He is happy with the speed of land reclamation done by Boskalis and he decided to join this march to show how liberal the Maldives has become under his visionary leadership," said Mohamed Zuhair, the President's press secretary.

Since assuming power President Nasheed has awarded the nation's highest medal of honour to Abdulla Hameed, widely believed to be a practicing homosexual. Hameed, brother of ex-president Gayoom, filled high posts under the previous government.

Maldivian Democratic Party has also formed an alliance with Labour Party, whose founder Red Wave Saleem is a close friend of Hameed.

For more information on Dhivehi Gay Pride March, visit the facebook page for the event.

Two ex-terrorists to be sent to Pakistan with aid

Two ex-terrorists who planned Sultan Park bombing in Male in September 2007 are to be sent to flood-stricken Pakistan with aid, the President's Office said today.

President Mohamed Nasheed recently pardoned the two men who set off an IED in Sultan Park injuring foreign tourists. The men who were serving a 15-year sentence are now free and their sentence will be waived off if they do not commit a crime within the next three years. The two men are Mohamed Sobah of Villimale, Landhooge, and Ahmed Naseer of Kanduhulhudhoo, Saadhunaa Manzil.

"Their dream is to reunite with their friends in Pakistan. After pardoning them the least we could do for them is to help them achieve that," said Mohamed Zuhair, the President's Press Secretary.

Several co-conspirators of the bombing fled from Maldives and are now living in Pakistan.

Sheikh Mohamed Shaheem Ali Saeed, the state minister for Islamic Ministry, said he welcomed this news. He said the donations Adhaalath Party has collected from Maldivians will also be sent to Pakistan with the two men. Shaheem did not say if he had rehabilitated the two ex-terrorists like he rehabilitated the prisoners from Guantanamo Bay.

Asked if there was any risk of the two men committing a crime in Pakistan, Zuhair said he felt there was no threat. "I am no bomb disposal expert. But there is 99% probability that a bomb will not explode in flood waters," Zuhair said.

Mohamed Nasheed Broadcasting Corporation ONE

Mohamed Nasheed Broadcasting Corporation (MNBC) has rebranded Television Maldives (TVM) and launched it as MNBC ONE. The company Managing Director Ibrahim Khaleel said the objective of this rebranding is for company to reach global markets. MNBC will bid to acquire BBC in November this year and MNBC will bid to buy Al-Jazeera next year said Khaleel.

Only one person can save Maldives now

Maldives is now in legal vacuum. The transition period in constitution over now. There is no Supreme Court. But Prosecutor General say the Supreme Court can continue as transitional court till new Supreme Court formed. But President form temporary committee for Supreme Court and MNDF confiscate key of Supreme Court. So now only Special Enjoy Zaki and Special Advisor Afeef can enter the Supreme Court building. The People's Majlis is not having any sessions. The Attorney General Husnu Suood resign. Now the Prosecutor General is in charge. Prosecutor General say Human Rights Commission, Civil Service Commission, Supreme Court can all stay. This is big legal void and only one person in Maldives has legal experience to solve this. He is the most sincere and capable politician Maldives has seen. He is Dr Mohamed Munavvar. One month ago Dr Munavvar forecast this would happen. He told President Nasheed to resign because Nasheed can't do the only one thing he promised the people. Dr Munavvar is former Attorney General and former President of MDP. He is very experienced and he loves the Maldives. Lets give him the chance to save Maldives.

Who is Mududhaar Fuckme?

Who is Mududhaar Fuckme? he seems to be very famous now. Is he relative of BMW owner Alhan Fuckme? How can judiciary be clean with a Mududhaar person? Why don't MDP ask Mududhaar Fuckme to join MDP and make him saint? Like the saints Red Wave Sulaiman, Adu Barey, Lolly Jabir.

Police to take over barber shops in Male

Maldives Police Service is to take over operations of all barber shops in Male, the police said today.

"We have found out there are several talented barbers and hairdressers in the police force. We have decided not to waste such talent. We will take over running all barber shops and hair salons in Male on July 26," said Ahmed Faseeh, Commissioner of Police.

An owner of a barber shop in Male, who does not want to be named, said he is not happy with this news. "The government is hypocritical. It is privatizing all other services but nationalizing the barber shops. This doesn't make sense."

Man with four wives should not be detained: Adhaalath

Adhaalath Party, the coalition partner of MDP, has issued a fatwa today saying Gasim Ibrahim, a man with four wives, should not be kept in detention.

"A man who can control four wives can control the nation," explained Sheikh Mohamed Shaheem Ali Saeed, the State Minister for Islamic Affairs.

Adhaalath Party came into the ruling coalition because they were a member of the Jumhooree Alliance which consisted of Republican Party, Adhaalath Party and Maldivian National Congress. Last week the National Council of MDP passed a resolution to terminate the pact it had signed with the Jumhooree Alliance, and terminate any political jobs that were allocated to Jumhooree Alliance as part of that pact.

However, when the cabinet was reenacted President Mohamed Nasheed gave the portfolio of Minister of Islamic Affairs to Abdul Majeed Abdul Bari of Adhaalath Party. According to a political analyst who goes to tea with Dr Mohamed Munavvar, this is a clear violation of the MDP National Council's resolution to terminate the pact with Jumhooree Alliance.

There is no rose in Paradise: Sheikh Ilyas

Rose is not found in Paradise, said Sheikh Ilyas of Adhaalath Party. Ilyas, who gave a highly descriptive lecture on Paradise earlier this year, said the fragrance in Paradise comes not from roses but from the smell of young virgins.

"Their breasts are firm, their nipples are erect and their buttocks smell of ambergris," explained Sheikh Ilyas. "The story of a rose in Paradise is entirely fabricated."

"We know from ancient scriptures that there are rivers of honey and wine. But no scholar has ever mentioned a rose, an orchid or even a temple flower," said the learned Sheikh.

Yameen bids for Rose when Anni gets Orchid

Less than two weeks after Singapore dedicated a hybrid orchid to President Mohamed Nasheed (Anni), Abdulla Yameen, the leader of opposition party People's Alliance (PA) has bid for a rose. In a leaked audio file of a conversation between Yameen and his close confidante Ahmed Nazim, Yameen instructs Nazim to pay up to 2 million Rufiya to bid for a rose. Both Yameen and Nazim are members of the parliament.

Maldives cabinet resigns en masse to pursue diving careers

Less than a year after the famous underwater cabinet meeting, the cabinet of the Maldives has resigned en masse to pursue diving careers. In letters to the President Nasheed the cabinet members expressed dissatisfaction with their low income and the hard work they have to do. They further said the parliament was obstructing their work. The cabinet members said they needed a break and would pursue diving careers as the underwater beauty of the Maldives will have a soothing effect on their tired minds.

"I am a dentist by profession. Even though I was appointed the Fisheries Minister, my first real experience of the underwater life was when I started training for the cabinet dive. Since then I have been hooked to diving. I have already applied for a job at a Dive Center at a resort," said Ibrahim Didi, the former Minister for Fisheries. "I will now be able to see more fish than what I saw during the time I was the Fisheries Minister."

"I am tired of banning New Year parties and bringing Zakir Naik. I have applied for a job at a resort. I will be now diving everyday and in my spare time I will be riding banana boats. I have experience of riding banana boats from my regular visits to Sunland resorts. So I will not fall like Zakir Naik's wife," said Abdul Majeed Abdul Bari, who was the Minister of Islamic Affairs till he resigned.

President Nasheed's press secretary Mohamed Zuhair said the President would not have organised the underwater cabinet meeting last October had he predicted his cabinet would get so hooked with diving that they would resign from their posts.

"The President is still recovering from shock. When he regains his composure he will appoint new members to cabinet. This time the President will be appointing people who are afraid of the sea. Till then, the state ministers and deputy ministers will run the show," Zuhair said.

Maldives marks environment day with Abdul Rahman Green

Maldives has gone green to mark this year's Environment Day by inviting Islamic preacher from UK Abdul Rahman Green. The religious NGO Jamiyathul Salaf has organised an event "The Call: Liv Islam" in which Green is lecturing at the Carnival area of Male. Thousands of Maldivians are gathering each evening to listen to the preacher.

"We decided to go green because everybody is going green now. It is the new fad. President Nasheed is going green too with the carbon neutrality project," said Sheikh Abdulla bin Mohamed bin Ibrahim, the founder of Jamiyathul Salaf.

"Going green means we can get more sponsors for the event. It is easier for us to sell banners to companies that take an interest in green business. Companies are cautious when talking to us because of Rehendhi. So we had to find a fool-proof strategy," explained Sobah bin Che, the General Secretary of Jamiyathul Salaf.

To mark the environment day, the religious NGO is launching two new energy saving bulbs in the Maldives. The bulbs will be available in limited stores in Male such as Sonee Hardware.



"We are launching this product on environment day to help Maldivians to reduce their spending on energy. There are still several families unable to pay electricity bills despite the government's subsidy. It is also our prayer that our brothers and sisters find the light instead of walking in darkness," said Sobah bin Che.

Dr Zakir Naik's son operates successfully at IGMH

Fariq Naik, the 11-year-old son of the famous Indian doctor Zakir Naik, has operated successfully on a 4-year-old kid at Indhira Gandhi Memorial Hospital in Male. Fariq Naik, who has replaced Dr Abdulla Niyaf at IGMH, is currently consulting kids with various ailments.

Dr Zakir Naik himself is consulting patients with asthma, blurred vision and migraine. Dr Naik's wife is consulting female patients seeking the advice of gynecologists. Within two days Dr Naik's wife has become more popular than established gynecologists such as Dr Yaganegi and Dr Aseel Jaleel.

"This shows the agreement Maldives government signed with Apollo Hospitals Group is bearing fruits. This is why we wanted to conceal parts of the agreement from the public and the media. We wanted the positive outcomes at IGMH to come as lovely surprises for the public," said Mohamed Zuhair, the President's Press Secretary.

The government recently signed a management contract with the Apollo Hospitals of India under which the largest hospital in the Maldives will be run by the Indian firm.

"Indo-Maldives relations is at an unprecedented peak with the arrival of Dr Naik to IGMH. This will be further strengthened when the government of Maldives invites Shah Rukh Khan to perform in the Maldives," said Foreign Minister Dr Ahmed Shaheed.

Dr Zakir Naik to consult patients at IGMH

Dr Zakir Naik from India will consult patients and perform surgery at Indhira Gandhi Memorial Hospital (IGMH) in Male, the hospital has revealed. The famous doctor will consult patients with asthma, migraine and blurred vision. The hospital requests patients to arrange appointments in advance by calling IGMH. Dr Naik will consult patients at IGMH on May 27 and 28. Dr Naik's wife and his 11-yea-old son will also consult patients during their visit to Maldives.

MDP promises lolly for all families once a month

The MDP government has promised lolly for all families in Maldives. The families can have lolly once a month. During presidential campaign current President Nasheed promised ice-cream for families once a month.

"The offer of ice-cream had to be toned down because of the global recession and our own economic troubles. All families can now enjoy lolly once a month. The brighter side of it is the lolly will come in three flavours: vanilla, strawberry and coconut," said Ibrahim Rasheed, the policy secretary at President's Office.

"We decided to offer lolly to all families after Lolly Jabir joined MDP. Now we will have no shortage of lollies," said Mohamed Zuhair, the President's press secretary.

"If we face a shortage of lolly, Dhiyana will ship a container from Kathmandu," said Abdulla Saeed, the cabinet secretary.

"We don't have any experience of running a government but Lolly Jabir has enough experience of selling lollies," said Ahmed Mausoom, the finance secretary at President's Office.

Former member of parliament and former deputy leader of the great Jumhooree Party, Abdulla Jabir recently joined the MDP. His wife Dhiyana Saeed, the former Attorney General, has been appointed as Secretary General for South Asian Association for Regional Consolation (SAARC). She will begin a three-year term serving the SAARC Secretariat based in Kathmandu, Nepal.

Exclusive photos of Jabir in a visit to Italy.

Being a Friday Maldives elected to UN Human Rights Council

Being a Friday many people gathered at Jumhooree Maidhan. That was Black Friday. 12 August 2004. Being a Friday NSS used some force. But not torture. So Maldives record in human rights untarnished.

Being a Friday Gayoom was good leader. He announced road map for reform. Hill & Knowlton hired to propel this reform.

Being a Friday Maldives contested for seat in UN Human Rights Council. Maldives lobbying with former Hill & Knowlton employees. Very good lobbying so Iran scared. Iran withdraw candidacy. Being a Friday Maldives now elected to UN Human Rights Council.

Being a Friday, the murder of Hussain Salah can be covered up by going to Sri Lanka to oversee postmortem.

Being a Friday Shazra can be sent Geneva for a job. Being a Friday Shazra can be brought back too. Thank you for the Shazra.

Being a Friday Zahir Adam (Gadhoo Zahir) can be bribed just before no-confidence vote in Majlis. Being a Friday Zahir's daughter can be promoted.

A leopard can change its colour from blue to pink to yellow. But it can never change its spots.

Being a Friday a spin doctor can be the Chairman of a Party. Being a Friday, a spin doctor can become the Imam to lead Friday prayers too.

Sheikh Shaheem to revoke license of unqualified preachers

Sheikh Mohamed Shaheem Ali Saeed, the Minister of State for Islamic Affairs has said he will revoke the preaching licenses of all unqualified preachers in Maldives. The following guidelines shall be used to determine if a preacher is qualified or not:

1. The preacher or scholar should be married to 3 or more wives. Sheikh Shaheem said Gasim Ibrahim will be able to control the country because he is married to 4 women. Any preacher married to 4 women will be able to control the audience during preaching, Sheikh Shaheem explained.

2. The preacher or scholar should encourage men to keep slave girls or concubines. Sheikh Shaheem strongly encourages men to keep concubines. When rumours spread in Male' about a secretly kept concubine, Sheikh Shaheem made fun of the people who spread the news instead of criticizing the practice. He did not say the practice was against Islamic teachings.

3. The preacher or scholar must be able to give lectures on comparative religion, making fun of other religions. Sheikh Shaheem recently told Minivan News he could teach comparative religion in Maldives because he learned about it. However, Sheikh Hussain Rasheed Ahmed, President of Adhaalath Party, later told Minivan News there was nobody in Maldives who could teach comparative religion in the Maldives.

4. The preacher or scholar must explain the cause of natural catastrophes as God's curses. The preacher should say the tsunami was caused by Maldivian women running naked on the white sandy beaches and the earthquake in Taiwan on April 26 was caused by Boobquake, western women showing their cleavage to challenge an Iranian cleric.

Based on the above criteria, Sheikh Shaheem is the only qualified preacher in the Maldives. The first person whose license will be revoked is Sheikh Hussain Rasheed who is openly defying Sheikh Shaheem. The next will be Sheikh Ilyas who is more popular than Shaheem because of his famous description of heaven full of women with erect nipples. The third will be Sheikh Ibrahim Fareed (Naraka Fareed) whose lectures have live videos from hell projected on a screen. When all other preachers are out of the scene, Sheikh Shaheem will make his bid for the presidency in 2013.

Maldives has highest internet speed in the world, President Nasheed tells South Korea

Maldives has highest internet speed in the world, President Nasheed told South Korean officials last week. President Nasheed said Dhiraagu recently introduced 10 mbps making the internet speed in Maldives the highest in the world.

"Dhiraagu recently introduced 10 mbps. The actual speed for that package is 512 kbps, making internet speed in Maldives the highest in the world," President Nasheed told South Korean government officials and businessmen.

President Nasheed told South Koreans Maldives was ready to transfer technology and knowledge to assist South Korea in having higher internet speeds.

MDP and well-wishers gathered at Jumhooree Maidhan to congratulate President Nasheed on his return from South Korea.

"We are dancing with joy because Maldives has highest internet speed in the world," said Ali Futha, waving a yellow MDP flag. Ali Futha voted for President Gayoom for five terms but decided to become "Wathan Edhey Gothah" in the last election. He has been a frequent visitor to MDP haruge ever since November 11, 2008. President Nasheed is considering to appoint Ali Futha to the Board of a new company, Ali Futha said, waving his yellow flag.

Islamic Ministry approves Akon concert because he has 3 wives

The Islamic Ministry of Maldives has approved the concert of Senegalese-born rap artist Akon because he is married to three women.

"Our brother Akon practices polygamy and he has three wives. We are proud he is performing in Maldives," a statement issued by Adhaalath Party which heads the Islamic Ministry said.

Akon has been banned from performing in Sri lanka because one of his songs shows semi-nude women dancing next to a Buddha statute. However, the government of Maldives welcomes Akon.

"Akon is a Muslim. Maldives had converted from Buddhism to Islam a long time ago," President's Press Secretary Mohamed Zuhair told Minivan News.

"We are confident there will be no trouble at the concert. Gasim Ibrahim can control the nation because he is married to 4 women. Brother Akon can control a concert because he has 3 wives," said Sheikh Mohamed Shaheem Ali Saeed of Adhaalath Party.

Sheikh Shaheem to rehabilitate Guantanamo Bay prisoners

Maldives Minister of State for Islamic Affairs Sheikh Mohamed Shaheem Ali Saeed is to start a rehabilitation programme for prisoners in Guantanamo Bay.

"We selected Shaheem based on his credentials and his successful rehabilitation of the infamous radicals from Himandhoo Island," a White House spokesperson told the Associated Press.

Sheikh Shaheem has been in the spotlight recently for successfully rehabilitating Islamic extremists from Himandhoo Island who had clashed with the military in the Maldives. The young scholar is currently in the United States attending a seminar on countering radicalism.

The U.S. government's announcement comes at a time when the Obama Administration is keen on closing the high security prison in Cuba reserved for terrorists. However, cases of ex-prisoners from Guantanamo taking lead in new clashes in Afghanistan has created considerable opposition for plans to close down the prison, initiated by the Bush administration after the 9/11 attacks.

Sheikh Shaheem, the revered scholar from Adhaalath Party, will rehabilitate the prisoners and pave the way for successful closure of the prison before the end of President Obama's first term in office.

Internet a fundamental right in Maldives says President Nasheed

Access to Internet is a fundamental right in the Maldives, President Mohamed Nasheed of the Indian Ocean archipalago said on Tuesday. During Nasheed's meeting with Finland's President Tarja Halonen at the Presidential Palace in Helsinki, Nasheed said the Maldives was the only country in the world which has declared Internet as a fundamental right.

Nasheed, a former Amnesty International Prisoner of Conscience, became the President after a landmark election in 2008 that ushered democracy to the small island nation.

During Nasheed's meeting with his Finnish counterpart he said the Maldives was ready to transfer knowledge and technology to Finland. Nasheed updated Halonen on the high-tech companies operating in the internet sector in the Maldives and gave details of the recent acquiring of the majority shares of the Maldives telecom company Dhiraagu by Cable & Wireless of the United Kingdom.

In the meeting, Halonen expressed her eagerness to learn from the experience of the Maldives in making internet a fundamental right for everybody and said she was keen to invite companies such as Dhiraagu and Cable & Wireless to invest in Finland.

Sheikh Shaheem urges British to close down London pubs

Minister of State for Islamic Affairs Sheikh Mohamed Shaheem Ali Saeed has urged the British to close down London pubs. During a recent visit to the UK, the state minister from the Maldives urged the Foreign and Commonwealth Office, Cabinet Office, Home Office and heads of counter-terrorism in the Justice Ministry to close down the pubs in London because it was unacceptable to sell alcohol in densely populated cities.

Shaheem attended discussions on counter-terrorism with a range of relevant authorities in the UK during his trip. He also met with Abbas Faiz, the general secretary of Amnesty International.

“The main objective was to discuss rapidly growing concerns around extremism and terrorism with relevant stakeholders in the UK,” Shaheem told Minivan News.

“There was a lot of discussion on ideas, such as how to fight ideologies and radical ideas. It was a very nice trip. I learned how to stop radical ideas such as celebration of New Year, Valentine's Day and the April Fool Day.”

Shaheem also informed the UK authorities on the recent campaign led by his party Adhaalath to curb the sale of alcohol in Male'.

In March the state minister will travel to Bangladesh to attend a regional conference for religious leaders organised by USAID and the Asia Foundation.

Shaheem noted that the Maldives was relatively young and inexperienced in fighting ideologies and radicalisation, saying that countries like the US and Pakistan “have been active in this field for a long time.”

“We will benefit from a similar approach as Malaysia,” he said.

މީހުން އުޅޭ ރަށްރަށުގައި ބްރާ ވިއްކުމުގެ ހުއްދަ ދީފި

އާދިލް ސުލޭމާން އަކީ ސްޓޭޓް މިނިސްޓަރު އިކޮނޮމިކް ޑިވެލޮޕްމެންޓު. އާދިލް ސުލޭމާން ދިވެހިރާށްޖޭގެ މީހުން ދިރިއުޅޭ ހުރިހާ ރަށެއްގައި ބްރާ ވިށްކުމުގެ ހުއްދަ ދީފި. މާރިޔާގެ ކުރީގެ ފިރިމީހާ ސައްތާރު މާލޭގައި ވިކްޓޯރިޔާސް ސީކްރެޓް ބްރާ ފިހާރަ ހުޅުވަން ތަށްޔާރުވެއްޖެ. މީހުން ދިރިއުޅޭ ރަށްރަށުގަ ބްރާ ވިއްކުމާ ދެކޮޅައް އަދާލަތު ޕާޓީން މުޒާހަރާއެއް ރާވައިފި. އިކޮނޮމިކް މިނިސްޓަރު ތެޔޮދަމައިދޭ ރަޝީދުގެ ގެކޮޅު ކުރިމަތީ އާންމުންގެ ބަޔަކު ނުރުހުން ފާޅުކޮށްފި. ރީކޯ މޫސަގެ ކާރުގެ ޑިކީން 168 ބްރާ ފުލުހުން ހޯދައިފި. މީގެ ތެރޭ ހިމެނެނީ މާލޭގައި އާންމުކޮށް ނުގެންގުޅޭ ޒާތުގެ ބްރާކަމައް ފުލުހުން ވިދާޅުވޭ. ބްރާ ވިއްކުމާ ބެހޭ ގަވާއިދު ގެޒެޓް ނުކުރާ ކަމަށް ރައީސް އޮފީހުން ވިދާޅުވެއްޖެ. ރީކޯ މޫސަގެ ކާރުން ފެނުނު ބްރާތަކާ މޫސައާއި ގުޅުމެއް ނުވާ ކަމަށާ މޫސަ ބްރާ ނާޅާނެ ކަމުގެ ޔަގީންކަން އޮތް ކަމައް ރައީސް އޮފީހުގެ ޕްރެސް ސެކެޓްރީ ޖުހާ ވިދާޅުވެއްޖެ.

Sir Rung A Damn Maniac want confiscate MDP tent

Sir Rung A Damn Maniac is President of Male Kunicipality. He is very good orator. He give nice speech at MDP gathering on the beach in the rain to welcome Alhan Fuckme and Ahmed Abdulla. But MDP Chairperson Mariya give better speech. So now Sir Rung A Damn Maniac very jealous. He want confiscate MDP tent. So Mariya now telephone call Muammar Qaddafi to get new tent.

Sir Rung A Damn Maniac campaign manager for President Nasheed. He come to campaign with Waheed Come and Waheed Go. MDP want to hide their UK campaign manager conservative James McGrath. So they put Sir Rung A Damn Maniac in front as cover. But Sir Rung A Damn Maniac give campaign fund to DRP too. Hypocrite exposed by Auditor General report.

Sir Rung A Damn Maniac put yellow ugly boxes on Majeedhee Road for Eid Holidays. He connect electricity and light boxes. So electricity cost go high. So IMF ask government to cut STELCO subsidy and increase electricity unit charges. Mariya very embarrassed.

Sir Rung A Damn Maniac build bridge between Maldives Monetary Authority and fishermen's boats. So fishermen can get light loan easily. Direct link between government financial assistance and fishermen. Sir Rung A Damn Maniac is President Nasheed's best political appointment. Shows brilliant mind President Nasheed has and vision for solving all problems in Male.

MDP now more audible after Ahmed Abdulla joins

The ruling Maldivian Democratic Party (MDP) is now more audible and vocal after Ahmed Abdulla joined the party, MDP's Chairperson Mariya Ahmed Didi said.

Abdulla, who served the government of the ex-President Gayoom as Minister of Health, Minister of Information and Minister of Environment, Energy and Water, joined the MDP last week, in a glittering ceremony held on the Artificial Beach of Male. Members of Parliament Alhan Fahmy and Abdul Ghafoor also joined the MDP during the ceremony, providing the party a narrow majority in the parliament.

"In recent months, MDP has been criticized for lethargy and inactivity. By bringing Ahmed Abdulla into our party, we hope to energize the party and make it more audible. He will make MDP's voice louder and make sure the party's voice is distinct from other political parties in the Maldives. He will make MDP's voice heard among the Maldivian people," Mariya said.

"Ahmed Abdulla is a seasoned politician. I am confident MDP members will welcome his voice at party rallies more enthusiastically. He will give a boost to the already distinct voice of our Chairperson Mariya Didi," said Reeko Moosa, the party's Parliamentary Group Leader, complimenting Abdulla, who was in the Republican Party before.

Alhan Fuckme joins MDP on the beach in the rain

Alhan Fuckme parliament member for Feydhoo sector joins MDP in artificial beach. Former DRP MP having problems before with DRP after Alhan saved Dr Shaheed in no coincidence vote. Alhan Fuckme receive garland from MDP ladies supporters. Many ladies shrieked as Alhan addressed gathering on the beach in the rain.

"Alhan sexiest MP in parliament. I already wet not from rain but after seeing Alhan," said Aishath Saleema, elderly MDP supporter lady wearing veil.

Announcement came many other MPs also join MDP. Kaashidhoo sector member Abdul Hameed also join MDP before. He is facing charges corruption case in Jinaaee Coat.

Long time service man to government Ahmed Abdulla also join MDP. Ahmed Abdulla first went from DRP to Jumhooree Party and now to MDP.

Mariya Didi, MDP chairperson, now say MDP very strong party. She is from Comrade Villa. Her sister Haula is a nutritionist. But now Deputy Foreign Minister.

Re-cow Moosa now boasts MDP majority party in parliament. He warned judges to be fair in convicting. Or else judges will be removed by parliament. So all judges now afraid to convict Kaashidhoo sector member Abdul Hameed in corruption case.

State Fisheries Minister Dr Hussain Rasheed Hassan also join MDP again. Mariya said this is reaffirming marriage vows for Dr Hussain and MDP. Dr Hussain very active in MDP before but went to Republican Party because he thought Gasim Ibrahim best person for President and Anni does not look like a President. But now Dr Hussain likes Anni because Anni gives him state minister job.

Special Enjoy also address gathering on the beach in the rain. Special enjoy put his two hands up in prayer reciting after Sheikh Zaki and special enjoy imagined young girl he had cannabis and sex with last month. As special enjoy reaches orgasm Sheikh Zaki finish his prayer and MDP now majority party in parliament. Aishath Saleema return to house all wet and started fantasizing about Alhan Fuckme.

With special reporting by Lubna from the Artificial Beach.

MADHANA bad MADHAHA good says Salaf

The government's MADHANA programme not good, but TVM's MADHAHA programme is good, says Jamiyya-Al-Salaf. Ali Rameez's madhaha the best, says Salaf.

An open facebook message to David Hardingham

Please send this facebook message to David Hardingham.

"Mr David Hardingham. God has been kind to you even though you don't believe in Him. He makes you rich and gives you shares in UK supermarket. You enjoy good food and good life in Salisbury. But life is not very good for Maldivians like us. Since government you helped to power MDP came they give majority shares of Dhiraagu to Cable & Wireless. The world's worst phone company. Ali from Angolhitheemu Raa Atoll can't read Minivan News. Because only island office having slow internet by 56k modem. Ali can't read English but very much like to go to read Minivan News. Because Minivan News now in Dhivehi too. My friend Bakuru, fisherman from Kumundhoo Haa Dhaal Atoll also like to have facebook. He like to have friends of Maldives from UK on his facebook. But he can't see because no internet at island. Mr Hardingham. Please ask the UK government, Mr Godown Brown, to link Maldives and UK with submarine cable. Mr Umar Naseer, leader of Ihthijaaj, can lend his submarine to lay this submarine cable. We want high speed internet from UK, at same speed as you enjoy in UK. Or you ask your friend and classmate Mr Anni to reduce internet rates. Internet is not still aiy foaraafashah. Or ask him to give subsidy to each household not affording to pay high internet bills. We ask you because there are very few friends of Maldives."

Maldives hosts secret Taliban talks

A group of Afghan MPs, “a government official” and seven people linked to the Taliban met in the Maldives last weekend for secret talks, according to a report by Al Jazeera in Afghanistan.

According to the report, the talks were part of an ambitious plan to bring peace to the war-torn country by offering cash, jobs and incentives to Taliban fighters in exchange for laying down their arms.

The Al Jazeera report claimed the Taliban selected the Maldives as the venue for the meeting “because it was the only place the fighters felt safe.”

President's Press Secretary Mohamed Zuhair acknowledged that the government had received reports of sightings of “a group of people who look like the Taliban wandering around the streets of Male’.”

"They bought watermelons and papayas from Local Market. They bought Dhiggaru Rihaakuru to take back to the mountains. They were just like any other tourist group from a passenger line visiting Male'," Zuhair said.

“Our stance is that the fact people happen to look like the Taliban doesn’t mean they should be labelled that way,” he said.

"We have a sad history of people being labelled. Umar Zahir labelling footballers with long hair. Adam Zahir labelling young men with long hair as drug addicts. Abdulla Hameed being labelled as gay. Gayoom being labelled as a dictator. Anni being labelled as someone who doesn't look like a President. Last, but not least, I am labelled as being always high on dope. We are trying to overcome such labelling and build a tolerant society under the MDP government," Zuhair explained.

The Taliban fighters arrived in Maldives in a tourist submarine operated by Umar Naseer, the leader of Ihthijaaj.

President reiterates government's commitment to electricity subsidies

In his weekly radio address President Mohamed Nasheed has reiterated the government’s commitment to assist those unable to pay their electricity bills. Noting that several people were concerned over the electricity tariffs hike in Male’, the President said the government will address those concerns by providing candles to the people who were unable to pay their electricity bills.

“Our estimate is that about 3000 households struggled in paying their bills. Therefore, after consulting with the Cabinet Secretary, I have decided to provide them more candles,” he said.

The President acknowledged that initially sufficient information was not provided on electricity subsidies, adding that more people were now aware of the changes and the application process for candles.

"Our target is to be carbon neutral by 2020. We can't use fulhi bathi anymore because it is run by kerosene. For those who are struggling with the burden of electricity bills, we will provide them with candles. That is the policy of the government.”

In his weekly address, the President discussed his visits to the United Arab Emirates, Bahrain and India.

He was in Abu Dhabi from 17-20 January and addressed the World Future Energy Summit. In Abu Dhabi the President held talks with government officials and private sector.

Later he travelled to Bahrain on an official visit. In Bahrain, President met with representatives from banking, finance and investment sectors and discussed business and investment opportunities in the Maldives. He also met with the King Hamad bin Isa Al Khalifa and other senior government officials.

The President is currently in Chennai, where he will address an economic summit organised by the Candle Manufacturers of Chennai and hold meetings with Indian businesses. He arrived in Chennai, early this morning.

From “Anni” to “H.E.P”

Ibrahim Didi and Naseem traces the rise of a President

“You know, they said this day would never come. They said our sights were set too high. They said that this country was too divided; too disillusioned to ever come together around a common purpose.”

So spoke Barack Obama on the night that he won the Iowa caucuses.

These are words that could have easily been spoken by Mohamed Nasheed (Anni) had he contested in the US Democratic Party primaries instead of challenging Mohamed Munavvar in the MDP primaries in Maldives.

People try to put us down

When Anni and other reformists first launched the Maldivian Democratic Party (MDP) many did not believe that it had a chance of succeeding. Anni himself was seen as a figure who did not “look” like a president because he did not regularly visit Singapore for Botox injections. This is why Dr Ahmed Shaheed promoted a mullah called Dr Hassan Saeed who looked like a President.

Despite all this, against the odds, Anni managed to cobble together a victory in the presidential election. The election was, in many ways, a fairy tale. Or, as Playboy magazine described it, a “momentous victory of belief against chaos.”

Talking ‘bout my generation

Since assuming power President Nasheed has further confounded critics by fitting into the role in a refreshing way. He has scaled back on the pomp and ceremony that Gayoom enjoyed. He exposed the lavish lifestyle Gayoom enjoyed such as the gold-plated toilet seats in the President’s Office. Nasheed said the private office Gayoom had inside the President’s Office was too large and luxurious for the new President to move in. For a few months Nasheed stayed behind a desk in a corridor of the President’s Office. Then he moved into the large and luxurious office Gayoom had used.


Photo: Gaanagaa

Domestic bliss

And what has been achieved in one year? Better governance: corruption has been curbed and there is greater transparency. Nasheed has appointed experienced politicians such as Ibrahim Hussain Zaki to key government posts to make sure the machinery of the government is well-oiled and free from corruption.

Steps have also been taken to foster a climate for economic development. A responsible economic framework has been established with the assistance of the IMF. The Ministry of Economic Development has been put in the hands of a physiotherapist; because only a physiotherapist has the skilled hands to heal a bruised economy.

International affairs

President Nasheed’s star has really shone on the international stage. Seeing their foe being elevated to the role of global statesman has been a particular source of ire for his critics.
Since taking office, Nasheed has forged close links with democratic India and spent a night at Windsor Castle with Queen Elizabeth II. Being the modest person he is, Nasheed has downplayed the significance of this.

“For me there is no difference between sleeping at Muleeaage or at Windsor Castle. After all, it was on a bed I slept at Windsor Castle and it was on a bed I sleep at Muleeaage,” Nasheed said about his experience of sleeping with Queen Elizabeth II.

Love of extremists

Nasheed has started an experiment conducted never before by a moderate democrat. He has invited the radical Adhaalath Party to his cabinet. This has resulted in a growth of radical Islam in the Maldives. Dr Abdul Majeed Abdul Bari has become a close confidante of President Nasheed.


Photo: Gaanagaa

Great Expectations

This assessment began with a parallel to the 44th American president, and it ends on a similar note. In many ways, the situation this country’s 4th president finds himself in is not much different: universally adored abroad, met with a sceptical and divided country at home.

Playing with the hand you are dealt whilst not losing sight of the long-term objective is what this is all about. And it is in this sense that Anni and His Excellency the President have proved to be not so different after all.

An open facebook message to Naushad Waheed

Please send this facebook message to Naushad Waheed.

"Mr Naushad Waheed. God has been kind to you. Some producer can make film about your story. From jail you have now become Deputy High Commissioner for United Kingdom. You enjoy good food and good life in London. But life is not very good for Maldivians like us. Since your government MDP came they give majority shares of Dhiraagu to Cable & Wireless. The world's worst phone company. Ali from Angolhitheemu Raa Atoll can't read about what you do at High Commission. Because only island office having slow internet by 56k modem. Ali can't read English but very much like to go to read about what you do at High Commission. Like the art exhibition you are having now. My friend Bakuru, fisherman from Kumundhoo Haa Dhaal Atoll also like to read what you do at High Commission. But he can't see because no internet at island. Mr Naushad Waheed. Please ask the UK government, Mr Godown Brown, to link Maldives and UK with submarine cable. Mr Umar Naseer, leader of Ihthijaaj, can lend his submarine to lay this submarine cable. We want high speed internet from UK, at same speed as you enjoy in UK."

NCIT bans Cabinet Secretary from using Facebook

The National Center for Information Technology (NCIT) has banned the Cabinet Secretary Abdulla Saeed from using Facebook during working hours.

"We have noticed productivity of the government employees declining because they are using Facebook during office hours. We imposed the ban on Cabinet Secretary because he has been very active on Facebook," NCIT said in a statement.

"It is regretful NCIT has made this decision. I am not using Facebook for taking care of cows in Farmville or to play Mafia Wars. It is pathetic NCIT does not understand that governments and politicians from Barack Obama to Rowan Atkinson are using Facebook for keeping the citizens informed of the government policies," the Cabinet Secretary said in a statement.

When reporters asked the Cabinet Secretary if he had any role in appointing his sister as Dhiraagu's Chairperson, he denied the allegations.

"The MDP government does not practice nepotism. MDP Chairperson Mariya's sister was appointed Deputy Foreign Minister not because she is a nutritionist but because her ex-brother-in-law is the most experienced Maldivian on foreign affairs. He was the only person to have served a dictatorship and a democratic government as Foreign Minister and was equally successful in defending those two governments."

The Cabinet Secretary declined to comment on the high tariffs Dhiraagu charges for Internet in Maldives.